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Growing up, Amanda had parents that made her feel guilty for making mistakes. She grew up believing it was not okay to make mistakes and you should be uncomfortable with being flawed. Unfortunately, that gave her commitment issues; she changed jobs every 6 months, constantly ended relationships, and avoided anything that would give her a sense of responsibility.
While this is the case study of a fictional character called Amanda, anyone can be in the same situation. As mentioned above, if you were constantly criticized by your parents or were raised to not make mistakes, you will try to avoid being criticized or making mistakes all of your life. On the other hand, if your parents punished you for trying to excel and stand out, you may also fear success.
People with commitment issues generally believe If they do not try too hard in life, they cannot fail, be criticized, or even succeed. And that is why they can never start or finish anything. If they remain at a job or in a relationship, their flaws might become too apparent to others. Better to slip away at the right moment and maintain the illusion of their possible greatness.
Although they are generally motivated by the fear of failing and the judgments that follow, they are also secretly afraid of success because success can come with responsibilities and the need to live up to a reputation.
In Amanda’s case, a strategy she found was to take on a project, small or big, and force herself to complete it. She tried to embrace failing and making mistakes as much as possible. Even if she made a mistake, she would not be hurt as much as she thought because it was expected.
After the project, her self-esteem increased because she finally tried something and finished it. Once she diminished the fear of making mistakes, progress became easier.
One final note:
When you find others with this attitude, be very wary of forming partnerships with them. They are masters at slipping away at the wrong moment, getting you to do all of the hard work, and blaming you if it fails. Avoid these kinds of people at all costs, they will ruin work for you.
One effective strategy for dealing with commitment issues is to take on a project. It does not matter if it’s small or big.
Let’s say you want to be a musician. Maybe try to just make one song first and make sure to tell yourself making mistakes is fine.
If you embrace making mistakes and failing, they won’t hurt as much. It is important that you push yourself to finish the project. Persevere and avoid the tendency to do it later. Start now and try your best.
After completing the project, you’ll see your self-esteem and tolerance for mistakes rise. It will become easier for you to take on new projects, commit to relationships, and finish things.
You got this, we believe in you!
Book: The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene